Taking to the waves: Sebastian gets a grip and sets sailYou making a movie? demanded the man as he scanned my visa application and clocked the word 'journalist'. As he had yet to stamp my passport and I wasn't quite sure of the right response, I performed a vague and non-committal movement of the head.
He belly-laughed and jabbed his colleague in the ribs, before thumping an inky print on paper.
As I look back now on that encounter, I think I might as well have said yes - because, as a blister quivers between my forefinger and thumb, muscles throb that I never even knew existed and my rump - well, we won't even go there - I feel like I have spent a week as a stunt man in an action flick.
The real cause of all this pain (and plenty of enjoyment, too) is a little less glamorous: a Neilson activity holiday at the Mnarani Club in coastal Kilifi, which is north of Mombasa and the latest destination to be added to the firm's brochures.
The three-star cliff-topping resort overlooks a creek that merges into the sultry Indian Ocean off Africa's east coast. With temperatures hovering around the low 30sC (the high 80s F) when I visited in December, it is the perfect base for basking in winter sun.
While the range of activities on offer might run like an Olympic programme, you don't have to be an action man to take part - a quick survey of my fellow guests revealed the odd six-pack but rather more paunches (mine included).
In fact, you don't have to do anything at all unless you feel like it.
Some guests simply lazed around on the hotel's beach, where workers painstakingly cleaned up after nature each morning, or by the palm-fringed infinity pool with commanding views of the sea.
I am rather fidgety when it comes to relaxing which, for the Neilson staff, became an invitation to turn the week into the water-sports equivalent of a decathlon - I tried everything. Not that I am complaining; activities that have languished on my New Year resolution list for a decade were ticked off in quick succession.
Sailing has long been an ambition and RYA dinghy tuition was included in the price of the holiday, along with a number of other activities from windsurfing to kayaking.
Plumbing the depths: Sebastian picks up the finer points of scuba divingConditions here are ideal, not only because of the favourable trade winds but also the warm water, which makes falling in much more agreeable.
I spent a few hours in a dinghy with my patient tutor, Jo, learning the basics before being let loose in a one-man vessel the following day. While I careered from one shore to the next, unsure whether I was mastering the wind or it was mastering me, Jo sailed expertly behind me dishing out encouragement and instruction - including when to duck. I wasn't always quick enough.
Despite a number of head-in-the-hands-I-can't-do-it moments of frustration, I managed to complete the Level 1 RYA qualification. I was as happy as a Cub Scout with a chest full of badges.
Setting the pace: Sebastian Lander takes to the saddleSailing was not the only activity that left me with a feeling of triumph.
A decade ago, I attempted a PADI scuba-diving course in Australia but found the experience of clearing my mask of fluid while underwater impossible and I dropped out.
So when I found myself in the swimming pool being coaxed by instructor Tim to rather messily eject water from my mask using the power of my nostrils, I had a moment of deja vu.
Luckily this was only a scuba-diving taster session where you explore shallow waters.
After enduring incessant questions - 'What if I lose my mask and breathing apparatus?', 'What if I run out of air?', 'What if my head implodes?' - Tim took us out on the reef to marvel at the coral and tropical fish, which were breathtaking.
Another certificate to add to the collection.
With so much to do within the walls of the resort, it is easy to forget to that Africa is waiting outside the gates.
Neilson organises regular group bike rides that weave through the dusty byways of Kilifi, where children run screaming out of thatched houses with a greeting of 'jambo' and a playful plea for sweets. While clearly the locals are intrigued by a phalanx of puffing tourists passing through, it remains to be seen how long it stays a novelty.
Minor complaints such as a sore rump from cycling were quickly forgotten over a hearty dinner. And while there were social activities arranged in the evening, including an astounding acrobatic display, a full day of activity left us yawning for our beds.
You can also extend the sense of adventure beyond the resort by combining your stay with a safari, and I spent two days at the Tsavo East National Park, a three-hour drive from Kilifi.
Safari spots: Cheetah cubs in KenyaThe remote Galdessa Camp couldn't have been more idyllic, located next to a river with palms rustling overhead and hippos filling the air with honks of laughter.
While the aim is to have as little impact on its surroundings as possible, the camp's thatched 'bandas' are still luxurious, complete with flushing toilets that add a rather incongruous sound to the hum of the African bush.
The lack of fencing was at first unnerving, but with an escort to and from your banda at all times, it was liberating to be in the thick of nature.
I didn't even mind being woken at 5am by a bird whose call resembled a reversing garbage truck - at home I get the real thing.
A recent dry spell has thinned numbers of animals in the park but we were still lucky enough to see plenty of wildlife including zebra, giraffe, buffalo and waterbuck.
While three of the game 'big five' - lions, rhinos and leopards - eluded us, the star attractions for me were a herd of dust-red elephants and two amorous cheetahs.
Remote accommodation: The Galdessa safari campLater, we took a bush walk by the river, ending with a surprise sundowner.
With drink in hand, a rainbow bursting into life on one side and the setting sun on the other, it was a scene worthy of the silver screen.
Travel factsA week at the Mnarani Club with Neilson starts from £554 and includes direct return flights from Gatwick to Mombasa, resort transfers, seven nights' accommodation on a B&B basis, three lunches and four evening meals. The price also includes windsurfing and dinghy-sailing with equipment, RYA tuition and courses, mountain-biking with a guiding service, kayaking, a try dive and access to children's clubs. Visit www.neilson.co.uk or call 0845 070 3460.
source: dailymail
